It’s been a while since I’ve last posted. So much has happened. The obvious elephant in the room in the global pandemic that has turned our lives upside down and inside out. I’m feeling so many things. Part of me is hopeful that the coming weeks will bring a revival and part of me feels like I won’t have anything left to revive in another week.
I wasn’t expecting this. I thought maybe a couple of weeks without seeing my friends, family, boyfriend, students – easy. It’d be like a vacation. One week turned into two and now were at five weeks.
I was so wrong.
I’m hurting. I’m sure you are too. I don’t sleep at night and I feel numb during the day. I keep telling myself it could be worse and to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve plunged into home renovation projects, watched a few movies (which is rare for me), and cleaned so much. But this feeling reminds me so much of how it felt a few years ago.
I made pretty terrible decisions during that stage of my life. I abandoned some of my best friends and I isolated myself out of fear. Went through the motions just to survive. Alone is no place to be. I guess I’m afraid to go down that road and not have a life raft thrown my way this time.
There has to be a purpose for this. That dark time of my life eventually brought SO much joy. I learned so much about myself and my faith in Jesus rescued me.
I’m calling out to Him to eradicate those negative thoughts of worthlessness, loneliness, fear, anxiety, disappointment, avolition, and sadness. They have no place.
I’m blessed. You’re blessed. We’re blessed in the good times AND in the bad times. The book of James set me right. Chapter 1 says: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4.
I guess it’s time to count it all joy.
I’m praying this is OVER soon. I miss people. I’m also praying our faith increases and our love for others bursts.
What’s your prayer for this season?